this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
