Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
