Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
