You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?