I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?