if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
