So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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