Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
