so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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