I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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