I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
