were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
