I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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