at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
