I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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