I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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