what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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