Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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