I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
