I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
