I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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