If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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