Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
