apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
