You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
