i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
