if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
