there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
