Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
