what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
