I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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