hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
