there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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