One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize