I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this boner is exhausting
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
