The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
