i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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