I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
