there was a trapeze. enough said
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
