yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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