Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
