dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
