My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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