The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
