I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
