I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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