I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
