she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
