I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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