YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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