Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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