so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
