My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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