WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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