Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
