are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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