when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
be right there i have to get my cape
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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