I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize