I think my vagina is haunted
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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