I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Blood and glitter go together right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
