I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
