You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just googled if crying burns calories
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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