would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
