I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
