its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
