If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
