wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
