Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
where am i from again
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
