And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
be right there i have to get my cape
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
