I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
