I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize