Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
