why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
