stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
