We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
